“We’re like a family here.” It’s a common phrase you hear in organizations, whether in recruiting conversations, onboarding speeches, or casual team meetings. It’s meant to convey closeness, care, and a supportive environment. But when leaders rely too heavily on the “family” metaphor, it can blur boundaries, make accountability harder, and create unspoken expectations that hinder performance and culture.
While the intention behind the phrase is usually positive, the impact can be problematic.
Families are often built on loyalty and lifelong bonds, but workplaces are built on performance, clarity, and mutual responsibility. When the lines between personal and professional get too blurry, leaders may hesitate to have hard conversations, overlook underperformance, or unintentionally foster favoritism. And employees might feel pressure to overextend themselves in the name of loyalty, even when their needs aren’t being met.
Unlike in a family, where it’s more natural to prioritize individual relationships or avoid discomfort for the sake of harmony, leadership requires us to proactively handle these interpersonal dynamics for the sake of the overall team and culture. As a leader, it’s my job to address challenges and navigate tough issues, not just for one person’s benefit, but to support the health of the entire system. That often means making decisions that feel difficult in the moment, especially when they impact someone you care about. But effective leadership isn’t about keeping everyone happy, it’s about creating an environment where people are supported, held accountable, and able to do their best work within a clear, consistent structure.
I’ve seen the difference firsthand in my own life. In my extended family, there are often dynamics I choose not to engage in for my own wellbeing. Like many families, we all bring our own history and past experiences into each relationship and the family system, which shapes how we interact. Sometimes, we avoid hard conversations simply because we don’t see each other regularly. But work environments require a different approach—and effective leadership requires clarity, consistency, and action. As leaders, we don’t have the luxury of stepping back or letting issues simmer. It’s our responsibility to actively lead, surface tensions, address challenges, and guide our teams forward every day, not just when it’s convenient.
In fact, avoiding these interpersonal dynamics is one of the most common reasons I see leaders struggle to be effective. When leaders take a more passive approach—hoping issues will resolve themselves, avoiding discomfort, or prioritizing short-term harmony—they miss critical opportunities to guide, develop, and strengthen the team. Unaddressed tension doesn’t disappear; it festers. And over time, that avoidance erodes trust, weakens accountability, and undermines the very culture they’re trying to protect. Leadership isn’t passive—it requires presence, intention, and the discipline to show up for the conversations and decisions that shape your culture.
Here are three ways you can create a thriving team environment.
- Lead with Empathy and Accountability
Caring about your team doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations. Show empathy, but also be clear about expectations, goals, and consequences. You can lead with respect and kindness while still setting high expectations and instilling accountability.
- Focus on Culture, Not Comfort
Don’t make decisions solely to keep the peace or avoid conflict. Strong leadership means making decisions that support the health of the team and the overall culture. That often requires leaning into discomfort to uphold standards, protect trust, and ensure the team can thrive over the long term. Sometimes, that also means making the difficult decision to end someone’s employment because it’s the best choice for the individual, the team, and the culture moving forward.
- Set Clear Boundaries and Roles
Family dynamics are often unspoken and assumed, but successful teams need clarity. Be explicit about roles, expectations, and norms. Clear structures and communication reduce tension, prevent favoritism, and help everyone do their best work.
You can absolutely create a welcoming, engaging environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated to do their best work. A strong culture promotes wellbeing, connection, and trust—but that doesn’t mean it should feel like a family. Let’s be honest—many of us would prefer a work environment that’s a little more functional than our own family dynamics. Create a workplace that functions like a high-performing team; one with clear priorities, shared goals, mutual respect, and a commitment to addressing challenges directly. That’s the kind of environment where people and performance thrive.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!