One of the most common and damaging dynamics I see in organizations starts with simple moments of tension or challenge. Toxicity in teams rarely comes from one dramatic event or a single team member. More often, it builds slowly through everyday interactions that aren’t handled productively. A concern goes unspoken in a meeting. A frustration gets shared with a colleague instead of addressing it directly. A leader doesn’t agree with a decision, but doesn’t raise it in the meeting, and shares their concern with others afterward (hence, “the meeting after the meeting”). A manager is frustrated with an employee, but complains to a coworker instead of addressing the issue directly.
This damaging pattern is called back-channeling—processing challenges with the wrong people instead of addressing them with the right ones, and it’s an unhealthy leadership habit that can be undermining your team and your credit union culture.
Over time, these moments add up. What starts as small, seemingly harmless exchanges begin to shape the culture of the team. When issues are avoided rather than worked through, trust begins to erode, psychological safety weakens, and collaboration suffers. People become more guarded, assumptions replace curiosity, and teams spend more energy navigating tension than doing meaningful work. These habits ripple through the organization, which results in misalignment, tension, and siloes.
Sometimes back-channeling is unintentional, rooted in discomfort or uncertainty. Other times, it’s a deliberate way leaders vent frustration by talking about people instead of productively working through issues. Either way, it erodes trust and weakens healthy team dialogue. Teams that rely on back-channeling develop habits of avoidance, choosing to talk around problems rather than work through them.
Strong leaders address concerns early and directly, creating alignment and reducing the emotional weight that builds when issues go unspoken. They process challenges in a way that moves the team forward rather than letting frustration fester. They go straight to the source rather than spending time and energy on complaints, blame, or unproductive venting.
Leaders can actively reduce back-channeling and create a more trusting, productive team environment. Here are four practical ways leaders can break the cycle and create healthier team dynamics.
1. Set the Expectation to Address Issues Directly. Establish clear standards about how concerns should be handled. Regularly reinforce that the first step in resolving any concern is to speak with the person who can address it. The more leaders emphasize direct communication, the less room there is for behind-the-scenes complaining.
2. Model the Skills for Your Team. People watch how leaders handle problems and follow their lead. If managers avoid issues or talk about them privately, the team learns to do that too. Instead, demonstrate what healthy conflict looks like. Raise concerns respectfully in meetings. Ask clarifying questions. Address issues directly and calmly. When leaders respond to tension with maturity and professionalism, they empower the team to do the same.
3. Coach, Don’t Complain. When a colleague brings you a frustration, help them navigate it productively. Listen without judgment, then shift the conversation away from venting and toward solutions. Approach the conversation with curiosity. Help them explore the other perspective, get clear on their goal, and determine what a productive next step would look like. Use questions to guide their thinking and support them in handling the issue directly.
4. Create Safe Spaces for Productive Dialogue. Back-channeling often happens because people don’t feel safe speaking up in the moment. Build psychological safety by inviting honest input and responding well when people disagree. Encourage constructive conflict with phrases like, “Let’s hear from someone who has a different perspective,” or “If anyone sees this differently, I’d like to hear it.” Acknowledge and thank people who disagree and speak up. The more the team sees that concerns can be raised safely and productively, the less they’ll feel the need to process them offline.
Unhealthy communication habits don’t usually start with bad intentions. They start with discomfort, uncertainty, and a lack of skill in navigating hard conversations. But over time, those habits undermine trust, credibility, and results. Focusing on building a team that values constructive conflict will strengthen relationships, improve decision making, and create better outcomes.
Healthy cultures are built one honest conversation at a time. Leaders who address unproductive and unhealthy patterns and choose direct, respectful, and productive dialogue build teams that are stronger, aligned, and effective.
I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!