As a speech communication and rhetorical studies major in college, I was introduced to ancient philosophy, but at the time, it felt more conceptual than something I would use in my everyday life.
About 10 years ago, I read The Obstacle Is the Way, by Ryan Holiday, and felt a deeper connection to philosophy and Stoicism than ever before. Holiday’s ability to connect history and stories to today’s reality evoked a deeper sense of interest for me in philosophy, and how I could apply it to my life.
Stoicism, at its core, is both a philosophy and a set of practical skills for living your life—helping you focus your energy on what you can control and respond thoughtfully to what you can’t. After reading Holiday’s book, I began studying and applying these principles—bringing more intention to my mindset, my responses to challenges, and where I chose to invest my energy.
But it wasn’t until a bigger life challenge that I would find myself drawn to these life principles in a deeper way.
A few years ago, my young son was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I was suddenly navigating something deeply emotional and complex; trying to understand the disease, support him through it, and manage my own emotions, fear, and stress at the same time.
Like any significant life change, there was a sense of grief that came with it. The first year was challenging for our family as we navigated the complexities of the disease, different medication options, and insurance challenges that left me drained, stressed, and often feeling hopeless. I worked with an excellent therapist who helped me process the situation and guided me in learning to validate my own emotions, yet be present for my son in a way that wasn’t adding additional stress to his experience. I was learning to not project my own anxiety into my conversations with my son, and instead approach those moments with steadiness, practicality, and empathy.
It was at this time that I created two mantras to ground myself when things felt out of control: Be with what is and Be invested, yet detached.
Be with what is was a reminder to stay present and accept the reality of the situation, rather than wishing it were different.
Be invested, yet detached helped me separate effort from outcome. I could be fully present, supportive, and intentional, while recognizing that I couldn’t control how everything would unfold.
The emotions I was experiencing were valid and expected. But staying stuck in them wasn’t helping me or my son.
These mantras became touchstones, helping me focus my energy more productively instead of wasting it on things I couldn’t control.
The experience with my son, which I am still navigating, stretched me in ways I didn’t expect, and ultimately deepened my capacity to navigate change. It’s still hard, emotional, and challenging at times, but I’ve developed a better and more sustainable way of responding by grounding myself in what’s real and focusing my energy where it makes a difference.
As Marcus Aurelius says in Meditations, “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
The ancient principles of Stoicism are a way of navigating life with more clarity, perspective, calm, and intention. And these principles can be incredibly beneficial in our professional lives, helping us stay grounded and focused in fast-paced, unpredictable environments.
Here are four Stoic principles that can elevate your leadership—and how you navigate life.
1. Focus on What You Can Control
At the core of Stoicism is the idea that some things are within our control, and many things are not. As a leader, you can’t control other people’s reactions, the economy, or every outcome. But you can control how you show up—your mindset, your communication, and your decisions. Strong leaders conserve their energy by focusing on what they can influence instead of getting pulled into frustration over what they can’t.
2. Respond, Don’t React
Stoicism teaches us to create space between what happens and how we respond. In leadership, this means pausing before reacting, especially in moments of stress or conflict. Instead of responding emotionally in the moment, effective leaders take a breath, think before responding, and approach situations with curiosity. That pause often leads to better decisions, stronger relationships, and more productive conversations.
3. Be Invested, Yet Detached
Great leaders care deeply about their team, their work, and results. But Stoicism reminds us not to tie our well-being to outcomes we don’t fully control. Being invested, yet detached means showing up with effort, intention, and care, while letting go of the need to control how everything unfolds. This creates more flexibility, reduces frustration, and allows leaders to stay steady even when things don’t go as planned. You can influence a situation with your energy and approach, but you cannot control how another person responds.
4. Be With What Is: Accept Reality and Move Forward
Resisting reality drains energy. Stoicism encourages us to acknowledge what is—especially when it’s difficult—so we can respond effectively. In leadership, this means facing challenges directly—rather than avoiding them, wishing they were different, or getting stuck in frustration. When leaders accept reality quickly, they can facilitate problem-solving, support their teams more effectively, and create forward momentum.
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”
— Seneca the Younger
This human experience is messy, beautiful, and often unpredictable. Stoicism doesn’t remove the difficulty, but it gives us a way to navigate them with more calm and perspective. When we learn to ground ourselves in what we can control, we live and lead with greater clarity, intention, and resilience.
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I really love and enjoy this reading. Reading this I learned that when you speak out clearly you thoughts and ideas people see you as winner, because you are not afraid to go straight to the point.
Great article.....And happy belated birthday! Welcome to my world, young lady!
Whenever I have a work project that I keep putting off - I think about delegating that project to someone else - which accomplishes 2 things- it gets the project done and frees us my brain space thinking about it.
Good morning. I loved this read. Thank you so much for sharing. Sincerely, Melissa :)
Thank you for this blog Laurie. I liked most part and specially "As organizations have become more complex, there is a tendency to require employees to do more with less. This is a slippery slope, and often can result in employees feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. One of the biggest contributors to this is not evaluating resources during the strategic planning process." I will use this practice "A best practice is to do what I call Priority Planning—putting important practices on your calendar ahead of time so they become a priority in your day. Examples of activities to Priority Plan include scheduling recurring coaching sessions with each team member, time for strategic thinking and planning, vacations, doctor appointments, important children’s events, and blocks of time for focused work on projects." To be more effective, I will get a good rest so I can have enough energy in the morning. I will read the blog again along with the other links on employee evaluation. Thank you so much Laurie. Best wishes to you and your family.
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I love the feedback on the more than 50 hours of work. AND filling time. So true. Unfortunately, showing that you work longer hours is still seen as being a "hard worker" - not sure how to change that though.
I enjoyed the read. I concur that transitioning from technical skills to delegating results was a task within itself. I did not realize I was almost trying to do the same thing from my previous position, and it was not working. However, I am seeing the results of how delegating daily tasks makes my job and workload easier. Thank you, Laurie.
Thank you for sharing information about your trip Laurie! All 3 things resonate with me - probably #1 being the biggest. I know when I'm gone for a week, I'm still thinking about work and need a vacation when I get back because I did not relax enough. I think your idea of a longer vacation is definitely in my future!!
Hey Laurie, My take on your list - 1 - everyone has a story - listen 2- social media causes interpersonal problems 5- generational differences create hurdles / earn it you aren't entitled / we should help them get there not give it to them 6 AMEN some leaders I would have followed thru Hell, some I wish - well, you know 7- true BUT be as good as your word and 14- Hopefully we leave some good from our efforts, I know the good leaders I have had have. Seen a lot in my career but it really comes down to treat others the way you want to be treated, fair, honest, and straight forward. Good read. Take care
I love this so much and thank you so much for sharing! I really just love realizing that enjoying the simple things sometimes is the best! Also recognizing that what is important and fun to you may not be everyone else's fun on the on the trip. “Do we get to keep these toiletries?” was my favorite!!!! :):) Glad you had a great time and got to spend it with your family!
I very much resonate with lesson no 3! Thank you Laurie
I think the part that you might have missed in their top 5 things, some of which were not "Italian" or even different from home, all of them happened with you, both of you. And i think that is what they will remember too. And you've got tons of photos that will remind them of what the Sistine Chapel looked like - then they might remember what it sounded like or smelled like. Oh- and i agree with you 100% about sleep!
LOTS of great take-aways from this post! Thank you for posting! I especially love "slow down to speed up". That's a keeper!
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the not getting enough rest to be at my best. definitely need to get more quality sleep and make that a priority
It really is hard to narrow down the 3 lessons into one because they are all so interconnected. You need to give your mind and body THE TIME to relax SO THAT you can enjoy the SIMPLE THINGS, including REST. I enjoyed that lesson as a whole. I will take that lesson with me on my next vacation (or staycation). As always, thank you Laurie for your candor and for sharing your own lessons with others so that we too can benefit.
Great information and reminders
Laurie, Thank you for sharing your trip and these nuggets. The lessons that resonate most with me are it does take time to relax and getting proper rest. When you devote 15 plus hours of your day for work, taking care of home and others; the 6-7 hours you lay down does not cut it! For me during this time I'm trying to unwind and find myself thinking fighting not to think about what I have to do tomorrow. Even after I create a to do list for the next day...I find things I need to add. Taking a day off here and there doesn't cut it as well because of all the plans you have for that day. I try to make sure my Mental Health Days remains just that.... time for me to laugh, cry, scream.... whatever I need to release the cares and stress!
Really enjoyed the article... and all very true!
Since I was already well aware of #1 (I'm in the same boat with taking a long time to relax), I think I'm resonating most with #3. I'm learning to prioritize sleep / rest and it's been wonderful. Love that you said "I love sleep.". :)
Welcome back from vacation. Well deserve! Action is the key to success. Shoulder to shoulder, coaching and delegating task to help other employees grow are very important. It is a sacrifice that one must do. Forget about yourself and be with your team day in and out to help them grow, is not always easy. On the long run, your team is stronger, and you can depend on them for the success of the organization. Thank you so much!
So many great tips here, thank you!
I am so impressed you're able to disconnect and these are great tips I'll be sure to try on my next trip!
Such a great post - so inspiring!